Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
