It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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