Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
