When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
