So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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