Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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