Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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