my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Pants are for mortals
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
