john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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