I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
