I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
