I wish I could teleport
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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