Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
What a dumb baby whore.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize