textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
