so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Randomize
