if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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