OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just had sex bonerless
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
