Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
