I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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