Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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