Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat