I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i dont even know how to be here
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry