Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices