walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.