i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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