Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
