He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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