Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
