Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
