i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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