K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
