the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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