he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
