Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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