just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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