u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Randomize
