A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
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He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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