Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
