Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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