allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Randomize
