My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
