A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
