the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
