when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
3 2 1 whiskey
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
