Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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