One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
