Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
