New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize