peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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