haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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