i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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