hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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