"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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