Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
