Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
