I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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