She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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