you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
