I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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