when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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