Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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