Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
