Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
