Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We left the knife in your bed.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
