guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
