We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
