if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
