I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
