Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
