So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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