The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
