In the future we'll all be gay
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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