he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
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You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
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Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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